When a parent moves to assisted living, memory care or dies, cleaning out a parent’s home can quickly become one of the most overwhelming parts of the process.
There may be decades of furniture, photographs, paperwork, clothing, dishes, artwork and things tucked into closets that no one has opened in years. If you live outside Sarasota, you may also be looking at a limited number of days in town and wondering how you’re possibly going to deal with all of it.
The natural reaction is often: We need to clean out the house.
But that’s usually several steps too early.
Before the estate-sale company arrives, before you schedule a donation pickup and certainly before anyone starts hauling things away, there are decisions that should happen first.
The order matters.
Don’t begin by asking, “How do we get rid of everything?” Begin by asking, “What needs to happen before we’re comfortable letting anything go?”
1. Make Sure You Have the Authority to Make Decisions
Before deciding what happens to anything in the house, make sure you understand who has the authority to make those decisions.
If your parent is living, he or she may still be making them. In other situations, someone may be acting under a power of attorney or another legal arrangement.
If your parent has died, the answer may depend on how the estate or trust is structured and who has been given responsibility for administering it.
This isn’t something I try to interpret for a family. When the authority isn’t clear, I want the appropriate attorney involved before belongings begin leaving the house.
Being the family member standing inside the house doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the person authorized to decide what leaves it.
Once that’s clear, the physical work can begin.
2. Find the Things You Can’t Replace
I wouldn’t begin by deciding what to throw away.
I’d begin by finding what shouldn’t accidentally disappear.
Important financial, legal and property documents should be separated from ordinary paperwork. So should photographs, family records, jewelry, military items, letters and other things that may have little value to anyone outside the family but considerable value to the people within it.
There may also be artwork, coins, collectibles, jewelry or other items that deserve a closer look before anyone decides what they’re worth.
This is one of the reasons I don’t like beginning with a cleanout crew. Once something leaves the house, getting it back may be impossible.
A piece of furniture can usually be replaced. A box of family photographs can’t.
A piece of furniture can usually be replaced. A box of family photographs can’t.
3. Give the Family a Chance to Keep What Matters
Once important documents and obviously valuable or irreplaceable items have been identified, give family members an opportunity to decide what they want.
That can become more complicated when several siblings are involved or everyone lives in different parts of the country.
Fortunately, everyone doesn’t necessarily have to be standing in the Sarasota house together. Items can be photographed and shared. Family members can identify what interests them, and arrangements can then be made for pickup, shipping or storage.
If you’re coordinating all of this from somewhere else, I’ve written separately about managing a parent’s Sarasota home from out of state and what can go wrong.
What matters is establishing a process before things begin leaving the house.
There also needs to be a reasonable deadline. Otherwise, a house can remain filled with belongings for months because someone might eventually want something.
The objective isn’t to rush anyone. It’s to give everyone a fair opportunity to make decisions so the process can continue.
Family members don’t have to be in Sarasota at the same time. Photograph items, share them with everyone who needs to be involved, establish what each person wants, and set a reasonable deadline for decisions.
The goal isn’t to rush anyone. It’s to keep the process from stopping indefinitely.
4. Decide What Is Actually Worth Selling
Once the family has removed what it wants, the next question is whether the remaining belongings have enough market value to sell.
This is where expectations sometimes need adjusting.
Something can have been expensive when your parents purchased it and have very little resale value today. Furniture styles change. Buyers’ tastes change. Large pieces can be difficult and expensive to move.
On the other hand, there may be particular items that warrant an appraisal or the opinion of someone who understands that market.
Depending on what’s in the house, an estate-sale company, auction company, consignment business or specialty buyer may make sense.
I don’t need to be the person determining what a collection or antique is worth. I need to recognize when we should bring in someone who knows.
That’s an important distinction in how I approach these situations. My role is often helping a family identify the next problem that needs to be solved and getting the appropriate local professional involved—not pretending I should solve every problem myself.
5. Donate What Someone Else Can Use
After the family has taken what it wants and you’ve determined what is worth selling, the next step is usually donation.
Many families like knowing that useful belongings can go to someone who needs them rather than being thrown away.
But don’t assume every organization will accept everything.
Furniture, mattresses, appliances, electronics and other household items may have restrictions based on condition, age or the organization’s current needs. Pickup availability can also vary.
That’s why I recommend identifying what you hope to donate and confirming what an organization will accept before scheduling the final cleanout.
You don’t want the removal company arriving Thursday only to discover Wednesday afternoon that the organization you planned to use won’t take half of what remains.
6. Now You’re Ready for the Cleanout
By this point, you’ve already dealt with what matters most. Now you know what’s actually left.
That’s when a cleanout or junk-removal company becomes useful.
That’s when a cleanout or junk-removal company becomes useful.
Now you know what’s actually left.
That’s when a cleanout or junk-removal company becomes useful.
And don’t stop with the obvious rooms. Closets, cabinets, the garage, attic, laundry room and lanai can contain an amazing amount of stuff.
The goal isn’t necessarily to make the house ready to sell that day.
The goal is to get to the point where you can finally see and evaluate the house itself.
7. Walk Through the Empty House Before Deciding What Comes Next
This is an important step families sometimes miss.
A furnished house—particularly one containing decades of belongings—can hide quite a bit.
Once everything is gone, you may discover stained carpeting, damaged walls, leaking plumbing, pest issues, deteriorated cabinets or deferred maintenance you couldn’t see before.
You may also discover the opposite.
Rooms can suddenly look larger. Natural light becomes more noticeable. Architectural features that disappeared behind furniture become visible again. A house that initially felt overwhelming may look considerably more manageable once it’s empty and clean.
This is when I want to evaluate what we actually have—not when we’re still stepping around boxes.
Then we can start making informed decisions about cleaning, repairs, improvements and whether the home should be sold in its current condition.
That is a different decision from cleaning out the house, and I prefer to make it separately.
Once the House Is Empty, the Decisions Change
Once the belongings are gone, you can finally see the house itself.
Now the questions shift. What needs to be repaired? What should be left alone? Is the house ready to sell, or is there work worth doing first?
Those are different decisions, and they’re much easier to make once you’re no longer trying to solve everything at the same time.
You don’t have to figure out the entire process at once. You just need to know what deserves your attention next.
A Resource for Families Facing This Situation
I’ve created The Parent’s Sarasota Home Guide for adult children and families who suddenly find themselves responsible for a parent’s Sarasota-area home.
It starts before the real estate transaction because, as Mike’s experience illustrates, that’s often where families need the most help.
The guide walks through protecting the property, dealing with belongings, evaluating repairs and deferred maintenance, coordinating things from outside Sarasota, deciding what may—and may not—be worth spending money on, and eventually considering what should happen with the home.
You don’t have to figure everything out at once. Start with what needs your attention now.
